Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Forget how much it hurts and try again
When I was younger it really was not a problem for me to fail and start over again. After I got sick -- at first I could not focus at all, I have memory gaps. Then I started to just exist, and eventually I started to live again. There was even a few years where I was doing alright and could fail and start again. Recently... I find that I am having a lot of trouble forgetting how much things hurt. People, promises broken, hope lost... Having difficulty wrapping my head around various things, sometimes hurting other people in the process but never on purpose. It is not my intention to ever be hurtful. I am missing strength... support... hope... I keep trying and either being told I am not doing well enough or am asked why I am not working or helping out more or... So much frustration and not knowing how to make things work anymore; it is just so frustrating and it would be easier to not have this moment
Tired of so many things...yes, I know this makes me ungrateful. Not happy.