Atop the Christmas Tree

Slightly blurry (sorry about that, my cell phone zoom is not great and no, have not gotten a camera still - not really worth the extra money at the moment) -- however this is the Angel that sits on top of my mini Christmas Tree!

Yes, I still have my tree up in my little space -- it is only four feet plus behind the curtain that is the window with the air conditioning unit balanced... Figured the weather will start to (slowly) warm up again soon, so why not leave the tree up?  After all, it only was put into place a week before Christmas

Very likely one day I will wake up, decide to put away the ornaments (less than 20 -- compared to the garlands and regular Christmas tree this is nothing!), and the pre-lit tree will be placed back into its box.  In the meantime I am allowing it to remind me of good things which is lovely!

Baby K 7 weeks "missing"

Okay, so technically my nephew Baby K was "missing" from our lives for six weeks and six days -- today, Thursday, is exactly seven weeks since Thanksgiving. He is no longer being kept from us!!! Thank you God for at least giving our family yesterday with my sister and her son Baby K!!!

I know I should only feel thankful and happy that a situation arose yesterday which allowed my sister to grace us with her and her son Baby K's presence since Thanksgiving 2013 (for those who didn't catch her decisions, take a look at my December posts)...

Anyway, we are lucky that my sister and her son Baby K stopped avoiding us and we finally had contact yesterday, Wed. Jan. 15th 2014 from about 2pm to 7pm -- yes, they stayed for dinner; however they did not want to spend the night.  Small steps, yes?  Yes. 

Size Comparison photos of Baby K in his bassinet on one of their last visits (technically last overnight was Nov. 27th to 28th -- his two month "birthday" where we got Thanksgiving and Christmas photos taken; then Thanksgiving Day itself -- we took them back to her boyfriends after celebrations were over)

November 2013

Jan. 15, 2014
First time they came over
since staying the night
before Thanksgiving

Did I mention that Baby K's father has finally re-entered the court ordered rehab he had been avoiding for several months? He went in on Dec. 30th 2013 (mostly because the judge was going to make him serve two years instead of the six months he has not done, if Baby K's father did not re-enter prior to 2014).... 

For whatever reasons my sister had not visited (nor, obviously, could Baby K visit) ANYONE from her entire family tree -- half of Baby K's family tree -- since Thanksgiving Day.  Nothing prior to Christmas Eve, nothing Christmas Eve nor Christmas Day nor for New Year's.... Thankfully they both visited myself (Tia J) and C and my parents -- Baby K's grandparents and godparents.  Also a strong chance they will at least have dinner with us on Sunday night (perhaps spend the night for the first time in two months!) -- because we have family friends from Mexico in town for a few short days for the first visit in years.


PLUS-  My sister allowed us extra time so we could watch her and Baby K open their Christmas presents!! Baby K LOVED his first Nativity set given to him by his grandparents (his abuelos!)

God has a plan, always. I need to wait for HIS time (and be patient, loving, open, understanding, willing.... prayers if you can spare them, I need help)

What you really want cannot be bought

During December I found this image/quote online yet did not find the time to post it.  Wanted to share it today because there were literally only three things on my Christmas "list to Santa" this year: vaseline or plain chapstick; a new set of sheets for my bed; to spend more time with people (especially family) whom I love.

I think as you grow older your Christmas list gets smaller
and the things you really want for the holidays can't be bought

Overall I have been blessed and quite lucky to have gotten nearly everything I wanted this past Christmas -- this past year included special events (wedding, baptism, birthdays, etc) with both sides of my family tree as well as various family friends!!  However my sister C and her son ("our" grandson, godson, nephew) Baby K have not slept in their beds here since the night before Thanksgiving.  In a way it is helping remind me that people make their own choices and if I talk about rights -- well, it is not my "right" to see my nephew.  Perhaps this separation is necessary (although only God knows what the future holds/why things occur) and hopefully it will serve as the longest period of time we shall all have to spend cut off ... disconnected ... apart ... Eventually I believe (I hope) we can all appreciate and enjoy spending time together -- life is too short as it is.  Thankfully I am no longer mad, I am more hurt/disappointed.  Better for health, yes? Also with certain "free time" I have forced myself to return to cleaning and sorting/donating which is a bonus

Candlelight Christmas (book)

Candlelight Christmas by Susan Wiggs

Christmas 2013 has come and gone - and I have forgotten to share a new holiday book I found!  "Candlelight Christmas" (by Susan Wiggs) is a book I found perhaps around Thanksgiving (of this past year). It is a "fluff" book, but I found it/find it a light, cozy, Christmas read. Basic plot is focused on a divorced dad who usually gets to see his only son every summer and (focus of this book) at Christmas.  The dad's family and his work have a place in this novel, as does just a touch of summer camp, a dash of Thanksgiving -- and the focus, CHRISTMAS!

I tagged "Tie Blanket" in the various labels for this post because I do not think I have ever shared this particular blanket here (before now).  I was taught a while back how to make tie blankets, and at first I was not really thrilled with this particular pattern of circles -- over a year later it has become one of my absolute favorite blankets!  I find myself throwing it over my shoulders instead of a sweater, or throwing it on my lap while watching tv, or curling up under it while reading into the wee small hours of the morning : )  I have actually used this pattern twice now, once paired with a solid darker green background (which is the one I still own) and the other with a darker grey (which became a gift a while back).

Considering making baby tie blankets and selling them (instead of giving baby-sized or tv-sized blankets) as gifts.  Most family and friends (and more!) have tie blankets made by either myself or another family member, and while everyone loves them (seriously, no complaints in nearly a decade -- and I see them used often in others houses, they are not closed away) -- it is an idea.  Not really sure if (or even how!) I would be able to make a large enough selection, where to find people to buy them, etc etc... yet perhaps it is something I shall try this new year. Love to all!

P.S. Downton Abbey Season Four premiers in the US TONIGHT from 9pm to 11pm!! Thank you PBS and everyone who supports public broadcasting stations -- therefore making lovely period shows like Downton Abbey possible

New Year's Day 2014!

"Ring in 2014 ~ HAPPY NEW YEAR"

Today is the first day of a new year -- prayers and hopes that good wishes/events/happy times are waiting for everyone during 2014. Especially lots of quality time with loved ones! ::HUGS::

Welcome to 2014! (sparklers ~ another online image)

P.S. In case you have not guessed, living in Southern California means that every New Year's Day is absolutely to include The Rose Parade! Perhaps many of you have seen it on television, or in person?

New Year's Eve 2013

(NewtonPendulum) 2013/2014

The last day of the year of our Lord 2013 has arrived!  Many good things have happened over the past year... the last few months (and days!) of the year have brought trials and tribulations... Am very hopeful that 2014 shall help return everyone to a good place, better health, more time with family and friends, everything positive that is wanted/needed!

Ocean waves washing away 2013 and leaving a new 2014 (NYE)

One of my favorite Christmas gifts this year was a desktop calendar for 2014 of Downton Abbey!  Season Four of Downton starts on PBS here in CA in just a few short days - and I have yet to finish re-watching all of the first three seasons to catch up and get back into the wonderful world of Downton!  Shall have to get right on that...

Downton Abbey 2014 Desktop Calendar

Have a good (and safe) New Year's Eve and may tomorrow be the start of a wonderful New Year for all!

Flowers for a birthday

A gift of assorted goodies topped by adorable tiny purple flowers for another December birthday! Happy Birthday to a family member of mine!  (Also yes - I reused a Christmas gift bag.  New gifts that were wanted and appreciated though so yay!)

Oh, I have been wanting a good roast beef dip (on a good french roll of course) so I went to The Hat yesterday and picked up a late dinner for myself - yum!  Difficult to believe tomorrow is already New Year's Eve!  "Another summer's day has come and gone away; In even Paris and Rome, and I want to go home; Let me go home" (Michael Buble) ... Lots of holiday songs in my head, particularly "Silver Bells"!!  If I am not concentrating on something (or don't have background noise on) that has been my mind's "go to" song this entire month : )

Planning on staying in for New Year's Eve and instead of going out to the Rose Parade (although we have had GREAT weather this Christmas week - low to mid 70s!) I think I shall watch the last minute prep and the parade itself on television.  Also the ball drop in Time's Square (in case that was not a given). Looking forward to what everyone is up to and hoping to catch a few more people before this year comes to an end... also, of course, go to at least one more bookstore and make another trip to the library!

P.S. No news from my sister (so none of my nephew, over a month now) and also only have one day left until two of two weeks waiting for test results to return... They would not hold colposcopy results over New Year's - would they?  *sighs*  I need to learn patience and how to just relax/let it go

Optimist (def.)

"OPTIMIST: Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward
is not a disaster, it's more like a Cha-Cha"

"OPTIMIST: Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's more like a Cha-Cha" 

(Please send some prayers/positive vibes if you have any to spare ~ Thank You ... no colposcopy results still as well as nothing from my sister and nephew)

December 28th

Example of a Completed Christmas Day Advent Wreath
(purple.purple.pink.purple.white) ~ the single white
candle in the center is added on Christmas Eve and
lit at midnight/on Christmas Day to celebrate
the birth of Jesus

So today's image is an example of a completed Advent Wreath (lit on Christmas Day ~ the single white candle in the center is usually added on Christmas eve and is lit at midnight/on Christmas Day to celebrate the birth of Jesus)

Today I am also remembering YESTERDAY, December 27th, 2013

One: We had dinner with some of my Dad's side of the family and it was lovely!! (Christmas Day we celebrate usually with a brunch, with my Mom's side of the family ~ it was also lovely!!)

Two: Dec. 27th my nephew (Baby K) turned three months old.  As prior posts have noted, on Christmas Eve my only sister decided suddenly (because yes, a plan to pick up her new family of three so they could celebrate for at least an hour before going out of town to spend time with the baby's father's side of the family)... ahem. Christmas Eve my sister changed plans and instead of time together for the first time since Thanksgiving, myself, our parents (baby K's grandparents AND godparents) along with everyone else on Baby K's mom's side of the family has not gotten to see or hear from any of them.  With the exception of the heated texts on Christmas Eve (because instead of the three of them, she wanted his whole family to come over and decided to say that at about 9pm -- then took back all visiting possibilities and stated that we would more or less be lucky to see him before, at, or after the new year).  STILL NO BABY K, NO SISTER, NO CONTACT. 

Hurt yet starting to be able to move past it -- with tiny steps at least :  (

Christmas Decorations (last two photos!)

Found two more photos of Christmas Decorations...

Back Door

Piano Decorations (Cards in red basket!)

Waiting...

Pretty Tree

Trying to not let things get to me.

Waiting... to figure out how to let go of the way my sister lives her life (and therefore how she controls that we have not seen - even in photos - the first grandson/nephew for a third of his life. Technically tomorrow actually, he was born the 27th, not the 26th.  But really, no response on baby's FIRST CHRISTMAS!???)

Waiting... for test results to see if more procedures are to be done or if I am to sit and wait for a few more months then be tested again (and again and again)... At least I am honestly not worried at all about the results.  As far as I know I can only fall into two categories and I can deal with either one -- I just really am disliking this waiting stuff.

Waiting... to return to a positive, faith filled, hopeful person.  I try, yet I know I was at the very least a bit of a drag on Christmas Day this year (which I hated, but again, am waiting to be able to move past things I have no control over).

Waiting... so that I can be a great aunt (I know how to be, just not receiving the opportunity)

Waiting... to have dinner with some family from the other half of my family tree tomorrow night (Also hoping I can at least pretend to be a bit more cheerful than I was on Christmas Day -- I did try and smiled and talked but it just felt like a day of loss and I cannot get out of this funk yet).

Waiting... for a long-time friend (five years) to let me know that the move back to Chicago went alright and to be okay with knowing I cannot visit from CA -- at least not in the near future! Those five years sure did fly by fast...

Waiting... for the new year because hopefully I will have actually moved on and am no longer pretending as I have been the past week

Happy Boxing Day Everyone! (Day After Christmas)

Merry Christmas 2013

So yesterday THIS happened... Prayers/understanding/support/love please??

Want to wish you all a Merry Christmas...

First ever photo Christmas Card (how did we avoid it all these years??)

Bottom row of 3: Four generations; Family dog; Mom C with son Baby K

Most ADORABLE photo to come from my nephew (Baby K's) photos taken the day before Thanksgiving

Baby K's First Christmas (2013)

Love, Happiness, Family, Friends, Life, also a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


UPDATE AT 9:45pm -- no contact from my sister still. No visit, no call, no text, not even a Christmas photo... Today was an absolute LOSS day which just sucks.  After the relatives left I curled up in bed and cried myself to sleep.  I cannot seem to give up and trust in God that things will work.  I kept hoping and praying all day -- both to let it go, and to have them come by (or at least make contact!!!)

Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve

Yesterday I was happy, excited, and had what I thought were realistic expectations. Today, a couple (or more) episodes of Downton Abbey with my mom and aunt.  My mom and I were both sorry that my aunt changed her mind about coming by but we understand she is busy.

The Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve comes from -- wait for it -- my sister.  She got into a large and hurtful argument with my mom (who was simply reminding her of our offer to pick up my sister, her son, and the baby's father)... My sister said many unkind things and ended up declaring that no ride was needed -- none of them were coming for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, nor anytime in the near future.  We are apparently (IN HER MIND) not "worth" visiting since she decided (ON HER OWN) to only spend Thanksgiving with our side of the family (and not the baby's father's side of the family -- although she is living with them).

So the last time my sister and nephew came (aside from a few hours after a doctor visit the Monday after Thanksgiving) was on Thanksgiving Day.  They both stayed a few days then went back to the father's parents apartment.  Have not seen (in person nor in photos) either of them for nearly an entire month now. 

Plus, "to add insult to injury" as one might say, my sister also decided that instead of "allowing" us to drive her to work this Friday -- she had agreed we could watch the baby overnight for the first time ever (after saying she was "just joking" before when she sent a text saying none of us could watch the baby overnight ever because he had to stay where he could be taken care of -- !?!?!?!?!?!).... Anyway, my sister stated that since the baby's father's entire family could not join our immediate family brunch on Christmas Day that none of us are able to see nor the baby this holiday season.  The baby's father is supposed to re-enter rehab yet again on Dec. 30th so we shall see how long she will remain in the apartment with the baby, the baby's father's mother, and her two dogs.

In case you think I am blowing things out of proportion, being so hurt and upset about the new family of three not coming over for an hour or two on the baby's first Christmas -- they had planned (and will be going) to a Christmas Day afternoon/evening/overnight with the baby's father's side of the family (held at one of his cousins house).  We are blessed that God sent the most adorable little nephew/grandson -- yet I am so stuck on the fact that we are blocked from seeing him -- we love him and are absolutely more than capable of watching him!  My sister has a room here and the baby has his own space/clothing/books/etc which we provide for them...

Calling it a night. Going to help finish wrapping up some gifts and then try to get sleep.

Merry Christmas Eve -- may yours be MUCH better than mine! ::HUGS::

Christmas Decorations Done!

The month of December has been so filled -- difficult to believe but the last time I shared photos of what the Christmas Decorations looked like this year was on the 3rd -- exactly twenty days ago! Now that I shared the link to that post (in case you wanted to see what was going on then). Today, Christmas Adam, I am sharing the last of the decorations -- mostly garlands!

Garland (from kitchen looking into dining room)

Garland (from dining room looking into kitchen)

Holiday mugs and two reindeer on top of the bar in the dining room
(Can you read the black and gold sign on the inside top shelf?
Reads ~ "IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE")

Garland (from dining room looking into living room)

Standing in living room looking at decorated garlands
 (living room to dining room to kitchen)

Last but certainly not least -- the completely decorated Christmas Tree!

Christmas Tree 2013 (in the corner of the family room)

Just wanted to add that the garlands do have lights on [at night] ~ Pretty!

I think that is it for Christmas 2013! (Unless gifts are ornaments that is!)

P.S. Guess what?? Apparently my aunt, my mom, and myself are going to have a Christmas Eve Marathon of Downton Abbey!! At least season one, hopefully season two as well (not likely, but we shall try) -- the Marathon will continue through the end of season three because SEASON FOUR OF DOWNTON ABBEY STARTS IN JANUARY 2014!! Huzzah!! ...Yep, got carried away.  GREAT show for anyone who has not seen it... What was I rambling on about?  Oh yes, that at the least the three of us shall continue cramming in the first three seasons before New Year's Day : )

Advent Week Four

Advent Week Four - December 2013

Wow ~ all four candles lit!  Just a few days left now... Christmas "Adam" (Dec. 23rd) ... Christmas Eve (Dec. 24th) ... then Christmas Day (Dec. 25th)! I think I have written this on every Advent post this year, but the past week seems to have flown by!

Yesterday was a bit of a conflicting day -- on one hand, I did VERY well until nearly five in the afternoon -- on the other hand the evening my body was really fighting and so today has really been a pj/bed/food/restroom/bed/bed/bed type of a day.  Nothing urgent on the agenda prior to Christmas Eve mass though, so today was an excellent day to rest and hopefully nothing negative will disturb tomorrow either... Oh!  I have been working (with paper and pencil) to get the details nailed into place for both sides of my family tree!  Just from both sets of my own grandparents through all of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren; however it has been a project!

Had initially been trying to finish before Christmas, and I think perhaps I shall be able to have the paper and pencil version completed by then.  New plan is to find time and a computer program that will allow me to somehow shrink everything yet still make it easily read-able.  Currently I think I am up to four or five pages (for each side of my family tree) running length-wise on regular 8.5" by 11" lined paper.  Would very much like the printed version to have individual photos... Shall see how it works out!

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season and THANK YOU to everyone who has been keeping me in thoughts/prayers/good vibes -- no test results yet but this week I should get news of some sort.  Not the best timing, but it is better than waiting, right?

Shall try to get in the posts about my cousin R's wedding and my nephew K's baptism soon! (Also one about my day trip yesterday - lots of holiday cheer!)

Today I had a surprise holiday trip!

Yes, you read that correctly, I was taken on a surprise day trip to...

Disney's CA Adventure!

 DISNEY TOOK UP MOST OF TODAY!  YAY!  Full post later on, just one tree for now to tide you over:

Disneyland California Resort Lobby Tree

Took a hot shower, am in comfy pj's and just dropped by to say hi and goodnight!

Blurry Me (Previous Christmas)

Blurry Me (Previous Christmas - two years ago?)

Three weeks today ... Missing my nephew and frustrated/hurt/mad/confused

Cramping stopped, still bleeding but only a little

Prayers/positive vibes if you can???

Advent Week Three

Advent Week Three - December 2013

Just like that, another week flashes by.  We are now in the third week of Advent! Perhaps if I loved every month like I do December, (with holiday spirit, decorations, Christmas), every year would fly by...

I am very thankful for my family and friends...

Currently feeling a little too tired

Love, prayers, faith and hope

Advent Week Two

Week Two (of four) of Advent has arrived and I am still struggling with gift ideas.  Part of me wants to at least send cards to all of my family/extended family/friends/those I have lost touch with/pay it forward to strangers/all that jazz... Realistically I have been able to focus on helping create a "family" gift for just immediate extended family and write Merry Christmas (or Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwanza, or Seasons Greetings, or Happy Holidays) on my various social media.  Sometimes emails, but I never feel like it is enough.

No matter how quickly time passes between each Advent season, I am so very thankful when December rolls around again.  Whether I have had a great year, a horrible year, or landed somewhere in-between, Christmas/December/holiday music always reminds me of family, love, support, stability, warmth... Although there are 52 weeks in every year and I always tell myself I will try to appreciate this year -- every year slips through my fingers.  And I am only thirty (already thirty!) this year...wonder what life will be like in the future!

As a Catholic, these four weeks leading up to Christmas Day every year give me the amazing opportunity to stop and be thankful for everything (good and bad) in my life.  I try to take this time to focus on something/everything that is positive/good/uplifting in people's lives because I know of/have heard of/have read/have experienced not good things.  And, being human, I often fall/sink/fail.  Advent is a time where I try to really focus outside of myself and not allow myself to get caught up in personal drama (ok, still human, I try not to focus for very long on things that are negative in my life).

I shall, of course, continue posting here hopefully for a long while... This year though I am going to invite all of you to leave me a message or send me an email (disappearingrose@yahoo.com) and I will send you a personal holiday note.  Please let me know what holiday you are celebrating, or if you would prefer the more generic Season's Greetings : )  Also I want to thank all of you, because most if not all of you have been sharing your lives with me via the online world and I really appreciate it.

Halfway through the Advent Wreath -- this week I shall be sure to pray extra for all of my social network friends!! ::HUGS::

My nephew's Thanksgiving Collage

I promise I do have a post (actually, due to the amount of photos, two posts) coming your way about my aunt and uncle's kitchen remodel -- they hosted Thanksgiving this year.  HOWEVER... Official Thanksgiving photos arrived today!  So you can all read about (rather: look at photos, read captions) another day!  Tonight I am posting Baby K's First Thanksgiving Collage Image

As the image collage states - Thanksgiving 2013

Okay, an extra one just because he is so cute when he tries to stick out his tongue!