Atop the Christmas Tree

Slightly blurry (sorry about that, my cell phone zoom is not great and no, have not gotten a camera still - not really worth the extra money at the moment) -- however this is the Angel that sits on top of my mini Christmas Tree!

Yes, I still have my tree up in my little space -- it is only four feet plus behind the curtain that is the window with the air conditioning unit balanced... Figured the weather will start to (slowly) warm up again soon, so why not leave the tree up?  After all, it only was put into place a week before Christmas

Very likely one day I will wake up, decide to put away the ornaments (less than 20 -- compared to the garlands and regular Christmas tree this is nothing!), and the pre-lit tree will be placed back into its box.  In the meantime I am allowing it to remind me of good things which is lovely!

What you really want cannot be bought

During December I found this image/quote online yet did not find the time to post it.  Wanted to share it today because there were literally only three things on my Christmas "list to Santa" this year: vaseline or plain chapstick; a new set of sheets for my bed; to spend more time with people (especially family) whom I love.

I think as you grow older your Christmas list gets smaller
and the things you really want for the holidays can't be bought

Overall I have been blessed and quite lucky to have gotten nearly everything I wanted this past Christmas -- this past year included special events (wedding, baptism, birthdays, etc) with both sides of my family tree as well as various family friends!!  However my sister C and her son ("our" grandson, godson, nephew) Baby K have not slept in their beds here since the night before Thanksgiving.  In a way it is helping remind me that people make their own choices and if I talk about rights -- well, it is not my "right" to see my nephew.  Perhaps this separation is necessary (although only God knows what the future holds/why things occur) and hopefully it will serve as the longest period of time we shall all have to spend cut off ... disconnected ... apart ... Eventually I believe (I hope) we can all appreciate and enjoy spending time together -- life is too short as it is.  Thankfully I am no longer mad, I am more hurt/disappointed.  Better for health, yes? Also with certain "free time" I have forced myself to return to cleaning and sorting/donating which is a bonus

What is a 'weekend'?

Courtesy of my Christmas Gift, The Downton Abbey Desktop Calendar for 2014:

Downton Abbey Calendar Weekend 52 of 52
(Current Events: April 1912 the Titanic has sunk)

Downton Abbey Calendar Weekend 52 of 52
(Current Events: April 1912 the Titanic has sunk)

Downton Abbey Calendar Weekend 51 of 52
(Violet, the Dowager Countess of Grantham, is honestly bewildered and
perplexed when the new heir mentions the unknown word "week - END"
as she pronounces it... Hence the second weekend image for the desktop
calendar has her asking "What is a 'weekend'?")

Downton Abbey Calendar Weekend 51 of 52
(Violet, the Dowager Countess of Grantham, is honestly bewildered and
perplexed when the new heir mentions the unknown word "week - END"
as she pronounces it... Hence the second weekend image for the desktop
calendar has her asking "What is a 'weekend'?")

Candlelight Christmas (book)

Candlelight Christmas by Susan Wiggs

Christmas 2013 has come and gone - and I have forgotten to share a new holiday book I found!  "Candlelight Christmas" (by Susan Wiggs) is a book I found perhaps around Thanksgiving (of this past year). It is a "fluff" book, but I found it/find it a light, cozy, Christmas read. Basic plot is focused on a divorced dad who usually gets to see his only son every summer and (focus of this book) at Christmas.  The dad's family and his work have a place in this novel, as does just a touch of summer camp, a dash of Thanksgiving -- and the focus, CHRISTMAS!

I tagged "Tie Blanket" in the various labels for this post because I do not think I have ever shared this particular blanket here (before now).  I was taught a while back how to make tie blankets, and at first I was not really thrilled with this particular pattern of circles -- over a year later it has become one of my absolute favorite blankets!  I find myself throwing it over my shoulders instead of a sweater, or throwing it on my lap while watching tv, or curling up under it while reading into the wee small hours of the morning : )  I have actually used this pattern twice now, once paired with a solid darker green background (which is the one I still own) and the other with a darker grey (which became a gift a while back).

Considering making baby tie blankets and selling them (instead of giving baby-sized or tv-sized blankets) as gifts.  Most family and friends (and more!) have tie blankets made by either myself or another family member, and while everyone loves them (seriously, no complaints in nearly a decade -- and I see them used often in others houses, they are not closed away) -- it is an idea.  Not really sure if (or even how!) I would be able to make a large enough selection, where to find people to buy them, etc etc... yet perhaps it is something I shall try this new year. Love to all!

P.S. Downton Abbey Season Four premiers in the US TONIGHT from 9pm to 11pm!! Thank you PBS and everyone who supports public broadcasting stations -- therefore making lovely period shows like Downton Abbey possible

Flowers for a birthday

A gift of assorted goodies topped by adorable tiny purple flowers for another December birthday! Happy Birthday to a family member of mine!  (Also yes - I reused a Christmas gift bag.  New gifts that were wanted and appreciated though so yay!)

Oh, I have been wanting a good roast beef dip (on a good french roll of course) so I went to The Hat yesterday and picked up a late dinner for myself - yum!  Difficult to believe tomorrow is already New Year's Eve!  "Another summer's day has come and gone away; In even Paris and Rome, and I want to go home; Let me go home" (Michael Buble) ... Lots of holiday songs in my head, particularly "Silver Bells"!!  If I am not concentrating on something (or don't have background noise on) that has been my mind's "go to" song this entire month : )

Planning on staying in for New Year's Eve and instead of going out to the Rose Parade (although we have had GREAT weather this Christmas week - low to mid 70s!) I think I shall watch the last minute prep and the parade itself on television.  Also the ball drop in Time's Square (in case that was not a given). Looking forward to what everyone is up to and hoping to catch a few more people before this year comes to an end... also, of course, go to at least one more bookstore and make another trip to the library!

P.S. No news from my sister (so none of my nephew, over a month now) and also only have one day left until two of two weeks waiting for test results to return... They would not hold colposcopy results over New Year's - would they?  *sighs*  I need to learn patience and how to just relax/let it go

December 28th

Example of a Completed Christmas Day Advent Wreath
(purple.purple.pink.purple.white) ~ the single white
candle in the center is added on Christmas Eve and
lit at midnight/on Christmas Day to celebrate
the birth of Jesus

So today's image is an example of a completed Advent Wreath (lit on Christmas Day ~ the single white candle in the center is usually added on Christmas eve and is lit at midnight/on Christmas Day to celebrate the birth of Jesus)

Today I am also remembering YESTERDAY, December 27th, 2013

One: We had dinner with some of my Dad's side of the family and it was lovely!! (Christmas Day we celebrate usually with a brunch, with my Mom's side of the family ~ it was also lovely!!)

Two: Dec. 27th my nephew (Baby K) turned three months old.  As prior posts have noted, on Christmas Eve my only sister decided suddenly (because yes, a plan to pick up her new family of three so they could celebrate for at least an hour before going out of town to spend time with the baby's father's side of the family)... ahem. Christmas Eve my sister changed plans and instead of time together for the first time since Thanksgiving, myself, our parents (baby K's grandparents AND godparents) along with everyone else on Baby K's mom's side of the family has not gotten to see or hear from any of them.  With the exception of the heated texts on Christmas Eve (because instead of the three of them, she wanted his whole family to come over and decided to say that at about 9pm -- then took back all visiting possibilities and stated that we would more or less be lucky to see him before, at, or after the new year).  STILL NO BABY K, NO SISTER, NO CONTACT. 

Hurt yet starting to be able to move past it -- with tiny steps at least :  (

Christmas Decorations (last two photos!)

Found two more photos of Christmas Decorations...

Back Door

Piano Decorations (Cards in red basket!)

Merry Christmas 2013

So yesterday THIS happened... Prayers/understanding/support/love please??

Want to wish you all a Merry Christmas...

First ever photo Christmas Card (how did we avoid it all these years??)

Bottom row of 3: Four generations; Family dog; Mom C with son Baby K

Most ADORABLE photo to come from my nephew (Baby K's) photos taken the day before Thanksgiving

Baby K's First Christmas (2013)

Love, Happiness, Family, Friends, Life, also a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


UPDATE AT 9:45pm -- no contact from my sister still. No visit, no call, no text, not even a Christmas photo... Today was an absolute LOSS day which just sucks.  After the relatives left I curled up in bed and cried myself to sleep.  I cannot seem to give up and trust in God that things will work.  I kept hoping and praying all day -- both to let it go, and to have them come by (or at least make contact!!!)

Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve

Yesterday I was happy, excited, and had what I thought were realistic expectations. Today, a couple (or more) episodes of Downton Abbey with my mom and aunt.  My mom and I were both sorry that my aunt changed her mind about coming by but we understand she is busy.

The Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve comes from -- wait for it -- my sister.  She got into a large and hurtful argument with my mom (who was simply reminding her of our offer to pick up my sister, her son, and the baby's father)... My sister said many unkind things and ended up declaring that no ride was needed -- none of them were coming for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, nor anytime in the near future.  We are apparently (IN HER MIND) not "worth" visiting since she decided (ON HER OWN) to only spend Thanksgiving with our side of the family (and not the baby's father's side of the family -- although she is living with them).

So the last time my sister and nephew came (aside from a few hours after a doctor visit the Monday after Thanksgiving) was on Thanksgiving Day.  They both stayed a few days then went back to the father's parents apartment.  Have not seen (in person nor in photos) either of them for nearly an entire month now. 

Plus, "to add insult to injury" as one might say, my sister also decided that instead of "allowing" us to drive her to work this Friday -- she had agreed we could watch the baby overnight for the first time ever (after saying she was "just joking" before when she sent a text saying none of us could watch the baby overnight ever because he had to stay where he could be taken care of -- !?!?!?!?!?!).... Anyway, my sister stated that since the baby's father's entire family could not join our immediate family brunch on Christmas Day that none of us are able to see nor the baby this holiday season.  The baby's father is supposed to re-enter rehab yet again on Dec. 30th so we shall see how long she will remain in the apartment with the baby, the baby's father's mother, and her two dogs.

In case you think I am blowing things out of proportion, being so hurt and upset about the new family of three not coming over for an hour or two on the baby's first Christmas -- they had planned (and will be going) to a Christmas Day afternoon/evening/overnight with the baby's father's side of the family (held at one of his cousins house).  We are blessed that God sent the most adorable little nephew/grandson -- yet I am so stuck on the fact that we are blocked from seeing him -- we love him and are absolutely more than capable of watching him!  My sister has a room here and the baby has his own space/clothing/books/etc which we provide for them...

Calling it a night. Going to help finish wrapping up some gifts and then try to get sleep.

Merry Christmas Eve -- may yours be MUCH better than mine! ::HUGS::

Christmas Decorations Done!

The month of December has been so filled -- difficult to believe but the last time I shared photos of what the Christmas Decorations looked like this year was on the 3rd -- exactly twenty days ago! Now that I shared the link to that post (in case you wanted to see what was going on then). Today, Christmas Adam, I am sharing the last of the decorations -- mostly garlands!

Garland (from kitchen looking into dining room)

Garland (from dining room looking into kitchen)

Holiday mugs and two reindeer on top of the bar in the dining room
(Can you read the black and gold sign on the inside top shelf?
Reads ~ "IT'S FIVE O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE")

Garland (from dining room looking into living room)

Standing in living room looking at decorated garlands
 (living room to dining room to kitchen)

Last but certainly not least -- the completely decorated Christmas Tree!

Christmas Tree 2013 (in the corner of the family room)

Just wanted to add that the garlands do have lights on [at night] ~ Pretty!

I think that is it for Christmas 2013! (Unless gifts are ornaments that is!)

P.S. Guess what?? Apparently my aunt, my mom, and myself are going to have a Christmas Eve Marathon of Downton Abbey!! At least season one, hopefully season two as well (not likely, but we shall try) -- the Marathon will continue through the end of season three because SEASON FOUR OF DOWNTON ABBEY STARTS IN JANUARY 2014!! Huzzah!! ...Yep, got carried away.  GREAT show for anyone who has not seen it... What was I rambling on about?  Oh yes, that at the least the three of us shall continue cramming in the first three seasons before New Year's Day : )

Advent Week Four

Advent Week Four - December 2013

Wow ~ all four candles lit!  Just a few days left now... Christmas "Adam" (Dec. 23rd) ... Christmas Eve (Dec. 24th) ... then Christmas Day (Dec. 25th)! I think I have written this on every Advent post this year, but the past week seems to have flown by!

Yesterday was a bit of a conflicting day -- on one hand, I did VERY well until nearly five in the afternoon -- on the other hand the evening my body was really fighting and so today has really been a pj/bed/food/restroom/bed/bed/bed type of a day.  Nothing urgent on the agenda prior to Christmas Eve mass though, so today was an excellent day to rest and hopefully nothing negative will disturb tomorrow either... Oh!  I have been working (with paper and pencil) to get the details nailed into place for both sides of my family tree!  Just from both sets of my own grandparents through all of their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren; however it has been a project!

Had initially been trying to finish before Christmas, and I think perhaps I shall be able to have the paper and pencil version completed by then.  New plan is to find time and a computer program that will allow me to somehow shrink everything yet still make it easily read-able.  Currently I think I am up to four or five pages (for each side of my family tree) running length-wise on regular 8.5" by 11" lined paper.  Would very much like the printed version to have individual photos... Shall see how it works out!

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season and THANK YOU to everyone who has been keeping me in thoughts/prayers/good vibes -- no test results yet but this week I should get news of some sort.  Not the best timing, but it is better than waiting, right?

Shall try to get in the posts about my cousin R's wedding and my nephew K's baptism soon! (Also one about my day trip yesterday - lots of holiday cheer!)

Today I had a surprise holiday trip!

Yes, you read that correctly, I was taken on a surprise day trip to...

Disney's CA Adventure!

 DISNEY TOOK UP MOST OF TODAY!  YAY!  Full post later on, just one tree for now to tide you over:

Disneyland California Resort Lobby Tree

Took a hot shower, am in comfy pj's and just dropped by to say hi and goodnight!

Blurry Me (Previous Christmas)

Blurry Me (Previous Christmas - two years ago?)

Three weeks today ... Missing my nephew and frustrated/hurt/mad/confused

Cramping stopped, still bleeding but only a little

Prayers/positive vibes if you can???

Advent Week Three

Advent Week Three - December 2013

Just like that, another week flashes by.  We are now in the third week of Advent! Perhaps if I loved every month like I do December, (with holiday spirit, decorations, Christmas), every year would fly by...

I am very thankful for my family and friends...

Currently feeling a little too tired

Love, prayers, faith and hope

Sandy Hook, Missing Baby K, and Christmas Decorations

A year ago today I could not find the words to write anything down, so I found an image online and prayed for everyone who was hearing about Sandy Hook (including myself), however particularly for those who were so closely connected with the horror story that resonates with nearly everyone who heard about it.  A week later I posted this and since then have tried to focus on the positive things in life.  On a first anniversary though... prayers, another secret act of kindness, and again trying to focus on Christmas. Faith, love, hope, support, and many prayers go to all who need them - whether they are asked for or not.

Today I am missing my nephew, Baby K. (Which reminds me, I have not yet posted about his baptism! Perhaps this week).  How do I phrase this... Baby K's father and his family have, in my very biased opinion, a type of "hold" over my sister.  This saddens me not only because there are often long periods of time without communication, but at this moment in time I have not heard from her/about her/seen her for twelve days now. (As explained here I think I only got to see him then because he was sick and my sister needed to sleep -- am so thankful they came and I could help for at least half of a day)  Prior to my nephew being born I would usually be successful at different techniques that help me to let go and understand that it is her life.  Now however... I find myself hurt and resentful that my parents and I are not being included...  It is stressful to know that Baby K is loved and wanted yet being kept from me -- literally no communication and to not at least get a photo... I think what I really hate is that my sister pulls away, and that having the only baby (only grandchild -- PLUS my parents are his only godparents! more in the baptism post) ... I allow my sister to hurt me and hurt my feelings by treating me as though I did something wrong.  In this particular instance the "hold" (or "influence"?) that she is under is keeping her parents and her only sister from Baby K.  I know she loves us, and I know we are good influences for her and the baby.  (His father, on the other hand, keeps walking out of court-ordered rehab after he was released from jail, and is not always around to help my sister with their less-than-three-months-old baby boy which FRUSTRATES ME).  Photo below shows how long my hair was last month!  I just had about four inches trimmed off, am considering returning to a chin-length bob or at least getting a shoulder-length cut (not sure yet).

Tia J with Baby K trying on his first Halloween bib!

I need to end my rant because I am simply too hurt by various actions (and lack of actions) to continue.  I do not want to hurt anyone by saying things that I know or sharing too much.  I am thankful that my nephew is being loved, even if he is not in what I personally believe is a great environment, and I know there is a better option, but I am not his mother.  I also know that he is not being physically harmed.  I just love him and my sister so very much that I want to help/do the best I can... Being ignored and cut off just frustrates and hurts my soul... perhaps I should allow it to damage my relationship with my sister but I care too much.  Also I would never want to get in the way of one day being able to help my nephew. Even if I have to hurt and wait, eventually I know his Tia (his aunt) will be needed.  So I shall try to be a quiet doormat, and always remain a loving family member because I cannot change another's decision process (nor influences).

The first photo of Baby K, his mom, and myself (March 4, 2013)

C's first ever ultrasound! (Standing with my sister as she
holds her very first child's photo on March 4, 2013)

Today the tree has all of it's ornaments (including a CUTE gift of ceramic baby shoes with blue decoration that say "Baby's First Christmas" and "2013" while tied together with baby blue ribbon)... also garlands are up and decorated in the archway between the living room/dining room and between the dining room/kitchen.  If you were following me last year this sounds very familiar -- not to worry, same garland tradition for well over a decade!  Helps to spread Christmas cheer around the house and ornaments are not confined to the tree *smiles*

Barely visible writing says "Baby's First Christmas"!

Advent Week Two

Week Two (of four) of Advent has arrived and I am still struggling with gift ideas.  Part of me wants to at least send cards to all of my family/extended family/friends/those I have lost touch with/pay it forward to strangers/all that jazz... Realistically I have been able to focus on helping create a "family" gift for just immediate extended family and write Merry Christmas (or Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Kwanza, or Seasons Greetings, or Happy Holidays) on my various social media.  Sometimes emails, but I never feel like it is enough.

No matter how quickly time passes between each Advent season, I am so very thankful when December rolls around again.  Whether I have had a great year, a horrible year, or landed somewhere in-between, Christmas/December/holiday music always reminds me of family, love, support, stability, warmth... Although there are 52 weeks in every year and I always tell myself I will try to appreciate this year -- every year slips through my fingers.  And I am only thirty (already thirty!) this year...wonder what life will be like in the future!

As a Catholic, these four weeks leading up to Christmas Day every year give me the amazing opportunity to stop and be thankful for everything (good and bad) in my life.  I try to take this time to focus on something/everything that is positive/good/uplifting in people's lives because I know of/have heard of/have read/have experienced not good things.  And, being human, I often fall/sink/fail.  Advent is a time where I try to really focus outside of myself and not allow myself to get caught up in personal drama (ok, still human, I try not to focus for very long on things that are negative in my life).

I shall, of course, continue posting here hopefully for a long while... This year though I am going to invite all of you to leave me a message or send me an email (disappearingrose@yahoo.com) and I will send you a personal holiday note.  Please let me know what holiday you are celebrating, or if you would prefer the more generic Season's Greetings : )  Also I want to thank all of you, because most if not all of you have been sharing your lives with me via the online world and I really appreciate it.

Halfway through the Advent Wreath -- this week I shall be sure to pray extra for all of my social network friends!! ::HUGS::

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas!

Planned on posting this yesterday, but then Baby K was sick : (
However today he is better!! Plus you get more photos

Slowly but surely Christmas decorations are being put into place!  Started with little things (dishtowels, the same plastic wreath that hangs outside the screen door so it works in any weather, this year's Advent wreath, two cute stuffed snowmen sitting on a window sill, the ADORABLE miniature Christmas tree with it's own assortment of mini ornaments)... Now the boxes of ornaments are out of the attic, the tree has been put up, and tonight the lights were put on!  Photos to share (and more to come as decorating continues)

Advent Wreath 2013

Outdoor Christmas Wreath
(yes fake - but good for all weather!)

Miniature Tree in powder room
decorated with miniature
ornaments and tree skirt!

Craft - Christmas trees made by gluing together wine corks!

Annual Christmas Manger centered on the mantle
(Yes, we add Baby Jesus early)

Christmas Tree with just lights
in family room 2013

Ornaments down from the attic!
(Trust me, took YEARS to finally
buy "proper" ornament boxes!)

Looking forward to seeing/reading about all of your holiday decorations (whatever holidays you celebrate!)

Dec. 2, 2013

The second day of December -- I am no longer posting about how decorating for Christmas is progressing.  My nephew had his scheduled two month pediatrician appointment today and there was both good news and mildly not good news.  He took his first three shots like a pro (okay, I lie, my sister said she wanted to snatch him up because he cried -- but only for a minute, then he was fine) -- so almost like a pro.

More good news?  He has grown and is now 11 pounds, 7 oz. -- this seems HUGE to us but it is normal... Almost on the small side which amuses us because he feels so much heavier than he did just a few weeks ago!  The mildly not good news?  Poor baby has thrush : (  So in addition to getting shots he has an "icky" mouth which his new medication should get rid of soon.

Good news for this Tia [aunt]?  Baby K and his mom came to stay here for the day!  Yay for multiple reasons!  Baby K got his meds, I was able to dote over him even during his "bad" moments (and walked him to sleep a few times!) -- plus my sister got to sleep!! [Apparently she doesn't get to do because of the lack of help where she is currently at... She has mentioned moving back with just the baby so we shall wait and see]

Poor nephew kept pouting, crying, whimpering,
and making sad faces. I got him to sleep though;
he seemed much better by evening!

Still not his usual happy self, however
he was much better than earlier!!

Finally doing better!!

Shall return to Christmas tomorrow - my only nephew trumps decorations : )

Advent Week One

Advent Week One - December 2013

December 1st has arrived again! How fast the years fly by; I am so thankful that I am able to appreciate and enjoy every holiday, particularly CHRISTMAS! I have so many thoughts and things I want to share -- today however, I have decided to share the story of my first college Advent wreath.

I had moved into a campus dorm room in Turlock, CA back in 2001 and while having a private bedroom was one of the many perks of my college, the room was not large enough (nor safe enough!) to have candles going for a solid month.

My crafty/creative solution? A pack of colored paper, scissors, tape, and markers! Looking back it was actually one of the most personal and special Advent wreaths I have ever made, and I looked for the pieces to post a photo of here but cannot find them.

Green paper became green leaves, each with a different loved ones name on it (family, friends) - or something I was thankful for.  The candles were cut from purple (three) and pink (one) paper and all were taped to my dorm room wall.  (Another advantage to being in a college dorm room -- the walls had some sort of "shiny" aspect which allowed clear tape to stick for months but never ruin the wall when finally pulled off -- UNLIKE regular walls growing up).

Once I had my unique wreath in place I added the candles, then made "flames" from colored paper and the markers. Every Sunday during Advent I would "light" the candle for that week by taping up the "flame" above the correct candle : )  Glad that this is one of many memories that come back to me particularly during the holiday season!

Other posts to come: my cousin R. got married; my nephew K. was baptized; favorite authors have been re-read; the farmer's market has been visited; an aunt who has been engaged is getting married in a couple months; Christmas decorations are being put up; am going to a cookie exchange party this weekend; etc etc.  Welcome to December!!

Christmas Decorations (Belated Post!)

 

Ornamented garlands from living room to dining room to kitchen window

  Kitchen window decorated only with tea and hot chocolate ornaments!

 Miniature tree with miniature ornaments in the powder room

 LOVE THIS
Night view of the living room
(Fireplace white lights and white knit snowflakes with the Nativity)
(Fully lit and decorated Christmas tree by the window)

Attempted close-up of the Christmas tree