Lilypie - First Birthday

Lilypie - Fourth Birthday

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Sandy Hook, Missing Baby K, and Christmas Decorations

A year ago today I could not find the words to write anything down, so I found an image online and prayed for everyone who was hearing about Sandy Hook (including myself), however particularly for those who were so closely connected with the horror story that resonates with nearly everyone who heard about it.  A week later I posted this and since then have tried to focus on the positive things in life.  On a first anniversary though... prayers, another secret act of kindness, and again trying to focus on Christmas. Faith, love, hope, support, and many prayers go to all who need them - whether they are asked for or not.

Today I am missing my nephew, Baby K. (Which reminds me, I have not yet posted about his baptism! Perhaps this week).  How do I phrase this... Baby K's father and his family have, in my very biased opinion, a type of "hold" over my sister.  This saddens me not only because there are often long periods of time without communication, but at this moment in time I have not heard from her/about her/seen her for twelve days now. (As explained here I think I only got to see him then because he was sick and my sister needed to sleep -- am so thankful they came and I could help for at least half of a day)  Prior to my nephew being born I would usually be successful at different techniques that help me to let go and understand that it is her life.  Now however... I find myself hurt and resentful that my parents and I are not being included...  It is stressful to know that Baby K is loved and wanted yet being kept from me -- literally no communication and to not at least get a photo... I think what I really hate is that my sister pulls away, and that having the only baby (only grandchild -- PLUS my parents are his only godparents! more in the baptism post) ... I allow my sister to hurt me and hurt my feelings by treating me as though I did something wrong.  In this particular instance the "hold" (or "influence"?) that she is under is keeping her parents and her only sister from Baby K.  I know she loves us, and I know we are good influences for her and the baby.  (His father, on the other hand, keeps walking out of court-ordered rehab after he was released from jail, and is not always around to help my sister with their less-than-three-months-old baby boy which FRUSTRATES ME).  Photo below shows how long my hair was last month!  I just had about four inches trimmed off, am considering returning to a chin-length bob or at least getting a shoulder-length cut (not sure yet).
Tia J with Baby K trying on his first Halloween bib!
I need to end my rant because I am simply too hurt by various actions (and lack of actions) to continue.  I do not want to hurt anyone by saying things that I know or sharing too much.  I am thankful that my nephew is being loved, even if he is not in what I personally believe is a great environment, and I know there is a better option, but I am not his mother.  I also know that he is not being physically harmed.  I just love him and my sister so very much that I want to help/do the best I can... Being ignored and cut off just frustrates and hurts my soul... perhaps I should allow it to damage my relationship with my sister but I care too much.  Also I would never want to get in the way of one day being able to help my nephew. Even if I have to hurt and wait, eventually I know his Tia (his aunt) will be needed.  So I shall try to be a quiet doormat, and always remain a loving family member because I cannot change another's decision process (nor influences).

The first photo of Baby K, his mom, and myself (March 4, 2013)
C's first ever ultrasound! (Standing with my sister as she
holds her very first child's photo on March 4, 2013)
Today the tree has all of it's ornaments (including a CUTE gift of ceramic baby shoes with blue decoration that say "Baby's First Christmas" and "2013" while tied together with baby blue ribbon)... also garlands are up and decorated in the archway between the living room/dining room and between the dining room/kitchen.  If you were following me last year this sounds very familiar -- not to worry, same garland tradition for well over a decade!  Helps to spread Christmas cheer around the house and ornaments are not confined to the tree *smiles*
Barely visible writing says "Baby's First Christmas"!

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