Baby K Tummy Time

Two comparison photos (10 weeks between photos, eep!)...

Baby K Tummy Time with Tia J at 5 weeks old (yes, a blanket supporting him so I could feel comfortable moving away to get a photo)

Baby K Tummy Time with Tia J at 15 weeks old (during brief visit this week, first since Thanksgiving Eve/Thanksgiving Day -- miss him TONS and TONS)

Baby K 7 weeks "missing"

Okay, so technically my nephew Baby K was "missing" from our lives for six weeks and six days -- today, Thursday, is exactly seven weeks since Thanksgiving. He is no longer being kept from us!!! Thank you God for at least giving our family yesterday with my sister and her son Baby K!!!

I know I should only feel thankful and happy that a situation arose yesterday which allowed my sister to grace us with her and her son Baby K's presence since Thanksgiving 2013 (for those who didn't catch her decisions, take a look at my December posts)...

Anyway, we are lucky that my sister and her son Baby K stopped avoiding us and we finally had contact yesterday, Wed. Jan. 15th 2014 from about 2pm to 7pm -- yes, they stayed for dinner; however they did not want to spend the night.  Small steps, yes?  Yes. 

Size Comparison photos of Baby K in his bassinet on one of their last visits (technically last overnight was Nov. 27th to 28th -- his two month "birthday" where we got Thanksgiving and Christmas photos taken; then Thanksgiving Day itself -- we took them back to her boyfriends after celebrations were over)

November 2013

Jan. 15, 2014
First time they came over
since staying the night
before Thanksgiving

Did I mention that Baby K's father has finally re-entered the court ordered rehab he had been avoiding for several months? He went in on Dec. 30th 2013 (mostly because the judge was going to make him serve two years instead of the six months he has not done, if Baby K's father did not re-enter prior to 2014).... 

For whatever reasons my sister had not visited (nor, obviously, could Baby K visit) ANYONE from her entire family tree -- half of Baby K's family tree -- since Thanksgiving Day.  Nothing prior to Christmas Eve, nothing Christmas Eve nor Christmas Day nor for New Year's.... Thankfully they both visited myself (Tia J) and C and my parents -- Baby K's grandparents and godparents.  Also a strong chance they will at least have dinner with us on Sunday night (perhaps spend the night for the first time in two months!) -- because we have family friends from Mexico in town for a few short days for the first visit in years.


PLUS-  My sister allowed us extra time so we could watch her and Baby K open their Christmas presents!! Baby K LOVED his first Nativity set given to him by his grandparents (his abuelos!)

God has a plan, always. I need to wait for HIS time (and be patient, loving, open, understanding, willing.... prayers if you can spare them, I need help)

Baby K Baptism

(Personal Note: I am "handling" things slightly better than during December, however my only sibling, my sister C has still chosen to not visit with her only child, her son Baby K - our parents only grandchild and my only nephew.  Several posts last month... They spent two nights/day before Thanksgiving with us - Baby K was exactly two months then two months one day -- and have not had either of them over since because my sister decided late on Christmas Eve that she was 'done' and we could not see her son.

Hopefully -- because we have newlywed long-time family friends visiting from Mexico next week -- C and her son K might put in an appearance... After six and a half LONG weeks of no visits.  Luckily we did get one single text message with a single photo of Baby K this past week!  He looks so very different, obviously, instead of eight weeks he is nearly fifteen weeks!)

Okay, done with rant.  My apologies.

I know I kept promising a baptism post (my nephew) -- and here it is!
(Also coming up this week is the wedding of my cousin R to her husband C)

Baby K was baptized by our long-time family friend, Father Edwin, on Sunday, November 17th 2013 in a small private (Catholic) ceremony -- isn't he ADORABLE in his white suit?? He was asleep as we arrived at church, so waited until the last minute to add his white suit (with tails!)

His mother (my sister C) and her boyfriend B very lovingly took turns holding their son Baby K.

Left to Right: Godfather M; Godmother P; Dad B holding
Baby K while the priest pours holy water over his head;
and Mom C (the camera angle has her slightly blocked
however you can see the purple flowers in her hair)

Our parents (M and P) were Baby K's only godparents (as is tradition in the Catholic Church -- one practicing Catholic of each gender is chosen for each baby -- sometimes only a single godparent is chosen though which is allowed if two are not "wanted"/"available").

Immediate Family: Baby K, his parents (C and B),
God parents (M and P -- are C and my parents so
they are also Baby K grandparents), and myself, J

Photo of FOUR GENERATIONS on BOTH SIDES of Baby K's family!  He is such a lucky little guy!!

Mom C, grandparents, great-grandparents in purple
Dad B, grandparents, great-grandparents in green
(white are Godparents and Father Edwin)

I KNOW there must be photos of the reception after (as mentioned, small, perhaps 25 guests??) however I cannot find a single photo, not even of Baby K's baptism cake! If I find them later I shall share : )

Flowers for a birthday

A gift of assorted goodies topped by adorable tiny purple flowers for another December birthday! Happy Birthday to a family member of mine!  (Also yes - I reused a Christmas gift bag.  New gifts that were wanted and appreciated though so yay!)

Oh, I have been wanting a good roast beef dip (on a good french roll of course) so I went to The Hat yesterday and picked up a late dinner for myself - yum!  Difficult to believe tomorrow is already New Year's Eve!  "Another summer's day has come and gone away; In even Paris and Rome, and I want to go home; Let me go home" (Michael Buble) ... Lots of holiday songs in my head, particularly "Silver Bells"!!  If I am not concentrating on something (or don't have background noise on) that has been my mind's "go to" song this entire month : )

Planning on staying in for New Year's Eve and instead of going out to the Rose Parade (although we have had GREAT weather this Christmas week - low to mid 70s!) I think I shall watch the last minute prep and the parade itself on television.  Also the ball drop in Time's Square (in case that was not a given). Looking forward to what everyone is up to and hoping to catch a few more people before this year comes to an end... also, of course, go to at least one more bookstore and make another trip to the library!

P.S. No news from my sister (so none of my nephew, over a month now) and also only have one day left until two of two weeks waiting for test results to return... They would not hold colposcopy results over New Year's - would they?  *sighs*  I need to learn patience and how to just relax/let it go

December 28th

Example of a Completed Christmas Day Advent Wreath
(purple.purple.pink.purple.white) ~ the single white
candle in the center is added on Christmas Eve and
lit at midnight/on Christmas Day to celebrate
the birth of Jesus

So today's image is an example of a completed Advent Wreath (lit on Christmas Day ~ the single white candle in the center is usually added on Christmas eve and is lit at midnight/on Christmas Day to celebrate the birth of Jesus)

Today I am also remembering YESTERDAY, December 27th, 2013

One: We had dinner with some of my Dad's side of the family and it was lovely!! (Christmas Day we celebrate usually with a brunch, with my Mom's side of the family ~ it was also lovely!!)

Two: Dec. 27th my nephew (Baby K) turned three months old.  As prior posts have noted, on Christmas Eve my only sister decided suddenly (because yes, a plan to pick up her new family of three so they could celebrate for at least an hour before going out of town to spend time with the baby's father's side of the family)... ahem. Christmas Eve my sister changed plans and instead of time together for the first time since Thanksgiving, myself, our parents (baby K's grandparents AND godparents) along with everyone else on Baby K's mom's side of the family has not gotten to see or hear from any of them.  With the exception of the heated texts on Christmas Eve (because instead of the three of them, she wanted his whole family to come over and decided to say that at about 9pm -- then took back all visiting possibilities and stated that we would more or less be lucky to see him before, at, or after the new year).  STILL NO BABY K, NO SISTER, NO CONTACT. 

Hurt yet starting to be able to move past it -- with tiny steps at least :  (

Waiting...

Pretty Tree

Trying to not let things get to me.

Waiting... to figure out how to let go of the way my sister lives her life (and therefore how she controls that we have not seen - even in photos - the first grandson/nephew for a third of his life. Technically tomorrow actually, he was born the 27th, not the 26th.  But really, no response on baby's FIRST CHRISTMAS!???)

Waiting... for test results to see if more procedures are to be done or if I am to sit and wait for a few more months then be tested again (and again and again)... At least I am honestly not worried at all about the results.  As far as I know I can only fall into two categories and I can deal with either one -- I just really am disliking this waiting stuff.

Waiting... to return to a positive, faith filled, hopeful person.  I try, yet I know I was at the very least a bit of a drag on Christmas Day this year (which I hated, but again, am waiting to be able to move past things I have no control over).

Waiting... so that I can be a great aunt (I know how to be, just not receiving the opportunity)

Waiting... to have dinner with some family from the other half of my family tree tomorrow night (Also hoping I can at least pretend to be a bit more cheerful than I was on Christmas Day -- I did try and smiled and talked but it just felt like a day of loss and I cannot get out of this funk yet).

Waiting... for a long-time friend (five years) to let me know that the move back to Chicago went alright and to be okay with knowing I cannot visit from CA -- at least not in the near future! Those five years sure did fly by fast...

Waiting... for the new year because hopefully I will have actually moved on and am no longer pretending as I have been the past week

Happy Boxing Day Everyone! (Day After Christmas)

Merry Christmas 2013

So yesterday THIS happened... Prayers/understanding/support/love please??

Want to wish you all a Merry Christmas...

First ever photo Christmas Card (how did we avoid it all these years??)

Bottom row of 3: Four generations; Family dog; Mom C with son Baby K

Most ADORABLE photo to come from my nephew (Baby K's) photos taken the day before Thanksgiving

Baby K's First Christmas (2013)

Love, Happiness, Family, Friends, Life, also a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!


UPDATE AT 9:45pm -- no contact from my sister still. No visit, no call, no text, not even a Christmas photo... Today was an absolute LOSS day which just sucks.  After the relatives left I curled up in bed and cried myself to sleep.  I cannot seem to give up and trust in God that things will work.  I kept hoping and praying all day -- both to let it go, and to have them come by (or at least make contact!!!)

Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve

Yesterday I was happy, excited, and had what I thought were realistic expectations. Today, a couple (or more) episodes of Downton Abbey with my mom and aunt.  My mom and I were both sorry that my aunt changed her mind about coming by but we understand she is busy.

The Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve comes from -- wait for it -- my sister.  She got into a large and hurtful argument with my mom (who was simply reminding her of our offer to pick up my sister, her son, and the baby's father)... My sister said many unkind things and ended up declaring that no ride was needed -- none of them were coming for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, nor anytime in the near future.  We are apparently (IN HER MIND) not "worth" visiting since she decided (ON HER OWN) to only spend Thanksgiving with our side of the family (and not the baby's father's side of the family -- although she is living with them).

So the last time my sister and nephew came (aside from a few hours after a doctor visit the Monday after Thanksgiving) was on Thanksgiving Day.  They both stayed a few days then went back to the father's parents apartment.  Have not seen (in person nor in photos) either of them for nearly an entire month now. 

Plus, "to add insult to injury" as one might say, my sister also decided that instead of "allowing" us to drive her to work this Friday -- she had agreed we could watch the baby overnight for the first time ever (after saying she was "just joking" before when she sent a text saying none of us could watch the baby overnight ever because he had to stay where he could be taken care of -- !?!?!?!?!?!).... Anyway, my sister stated that since the baby's father's entire family could not join our immediate family brunch on Christmas Day that none of us are able to see nor the baby this holiday season.  The baby's father is supposed to re-enter rehab yet again on Dec. 30th so we shall see how long she will remain in the apartment with the baby, the baby's father's mother, and her two dogs.

In case you think I am blowing things out of proportion, being so hurt and upset about the new family of three not coming over for an hour or two on the baby's first Christmas -- they had planned (and will be going) to a Christmas Day afternoon/evening/overnight with the baby's father's side of the family (held at one of his cousins house).  We are blessed that God sent the most adorable little nephew/grandson -- yet I am so stuck on the fact that we are blocked from seeing him -- we love him and are absolutely more than capable of watching him!  My sister has a room here and the baby has his own space/clothing/books/etc which we provide for them...

Calling it a night. Going to help finish wrapping up some gifts and then try to get sleep.

Merry Christmas Eve -- may yours be MUCH better than mine! ::HUGS::

Blurry Me (Previous Christmas)

Blurry Me (Previous Christmas - two years ago?)

Three weeks today ... Missing my nephew and frustrated/hurt/mad/confused

Cramping stopped, still bleeding but only a little

Prayers/positive vibes if you can???

Colposcopy and missing my nephew

 

So tomorrow I have to get a colposcopy done (for those who have not had one it is along the lines of a regular PAP except a bit more invasive -- more physical samples, etc).  Have been trying to avoid thinking about it and... well, it's tomorrow so I did well for a while.

Still missing my nephew, Baby K.  Photo above is from his second time visiting (Oct 22nd??) Realized that aside from the few hours he was here on Dec. 2nd, diagnosed with a mild case of thrush and also trying to fight off the effects of his first round of shots... Thanksgiving Day was the last time I saw him or my sister.  Would be so nice to have a busy baby to distract me from facts like I cannot support myself, huge chance I cannot get pregnant ever (at least not in the next decade, which puts me close to 41 years -- because of my medical stuff and medications for it), also since I can't take care of myself that puts adoption and surrogacy very far out of reach... So when I say that I am never going to have a child of my own, it hurts.  Mainly because I never wanted to be anything other than a mother.  Seriously, when I was around four years old I decided I wanted to be a mom and since turning seven years old I would help with family and friends babies, moved "up" to mother's helper (parent was home but I was in charge of the child) then "up" again to full-time babysitter.  Also worked for Recreation and Parks for City of Los Angeles for over a decade -- although my favorite age group is 0 to four years.

Yep.  Absolutely rambling this past week.  Does help to share... I will post about my cousin R getting married (lots of photos!) and Baby K. getting baptized (a few photos).  Tomorrow I don't know, maybe just a photo of flowers and asking selfishly for some positive thoughts/prayers?  Also since I am reaching, an excellent colposcopy (meaning they do NOT find what they are re-looking for, it magically disappeared?) and that my sister WANTS to happily visit and Baby K comes along and wants to see his Tia.

Sandy Hook, Missing Baby K, and Christmas Decorations

A year ago today I could not find the words to write anything down, so I found an image online and prayed for everyone who was hearing about Sandy Hook (including myself), however particularly for those who were so closely connected with the horror story that resonates with nearly everyone who heard about it.  A week later I posted this and since then have tried to focus on the positive things in life.  On a first anniversary though... prayers, another secret act of kindness, and again trying to focus on Christmas. Faith, love, hope, support, and many prayers go to all who need them - whether they are asked for or not.

Today I am missing my nephew, Baby K. (Which reminds me, I have not yet posted about his baptism! Perhaps this week).  How do I phrase this... Baby K's father and his family have, in my very biased opinion, a type of "hold" over my sister.  This saddens me not only because there are often long periods of time without communication, but at this moment in time I have not heard from her/about her/seen her for twelve days now. (As explained here I think I only got to see him then because he was sick and my sister needed to sleep -- am so thankful they came and I could help for at least half of a day)  Prior to my nephew being born I would usually be successful at different techniques that help me to let go and understand that it is her life.  Now however... I find myself hurt and resentful that my parents and I are not being included...  It is stressful to know that Baby K is loved and wanted yet being kept from me -- literally no communication and to not at least get a photo... I think what I really hate is that my sister pulls away, and that having the only baby (only grandchild -- PLUS my parents are his only godparents! more in the baptism post) ... I allow my sister to hurt me and hurt my feelings by treating me as though I did something wrong.  In this particular instance the "hold" (or "influence"?) that she is under is keeping her parents and her only sister from Baby K.  I know she loves us, and I know we are good influences for her and the baby.  (His father, on the other hand, keeps walking out of court-ordered rehab after he was released from jail, and is not always around to help my sister with their less-than-three-months-old baby boy which FRUSTRATES ME).  Photo below shows how long my hair was last month!  I just had about four inches trimmed off, am considering returning to a chin-length bob or at least getting a shoulder-length cut (not sure yet).

Tia J with Baby K trying on his first Halloween bib!

I need to end my rant because I am simply too hurt by various actions (and lack of actions) to continue.  I do not want to hurt anyone by saying things that I know or sharing too much.  I am thankful that my nephew is being loved, even if he is not in what I personally believe is a great environment, and I know there is a better option, but I am not his mother.  I also know that he is not being physically harmed.  I just love him and my sister so very much that I want to help/do the best I can... Being ignored and cut off just frustrates and hurts my soul... perhaps I should allow it to damage my relationship with my sister but I care too much.  Also I would never want to get in the way of one day being able to help my nephew. Even if I have to hurt and wait, eventually I know his Tia (his aunt) will be needed.  So I shall try to be a quiet doormat, and always remain a loving family member because I cannot change another's decision process (nor influences).

The first photo of Baby K, his mom, and myself (March 4, 2013)

C's first ever ultrasound! (Standing with my sister as she
holds her very first child's photo on March 4, 2013)

Today the tree has all of it's ornaments (including a CUTE gift of ceramic baby shoes with blue decoration that say "Baby's First Christmas" and "2013" while tied together with baby blue ribbon)... also garlands are up and decorated in the archway between the living room/dining room and between the dining room/kitchen.  If you were following me last year this sounds very familiar -- not to worry, same garland tradition for well over a decade!  Helps to spread Christmas cheer around the house and ornaments are not confined to the tree *smiles*

Barely visible writing says "Baby's First Christmas"!

Dec. 2, 2013

The second day of December -- I am no longer posting about how decorating for Christmas is progressing.  My nephew had his scheduled two month pediatrician appointment today and there was both good news and mildly not good news.  He took his first three shots like a pro (okay, I lie, my sister said she wanted to snatch him up because he cried -- but only for a minute, then he was fine) -- so almost like a pro.

More good news?  He has grown and is now 11 pounds, 7 oz. -- this seems HUGE to us but it is normal... Almost on the small side which amuses us because he feels so much heavier than he did just a few weeks ago!  The mildly not good news?  Poor baby has thrush : (  So in addition to getting shots he has an "icky" mouth which his new medication should get rid of soon.

Good news for this Tia [aunt]?  Baby K and his mom came to stay here for the day!  Yay for multiple reasons!  Baby K got his meds, I was able to dote over him even during his "bad" moments (and walked him to sleep a few times!) -- plus my sister got to sleep!! [Apparently she doesn't get to do because of the lack of help where she is currently at... She has mentioned moving back with just the baby so we shall wait and see]

Poor nephew kept pouting, crying, whimpering,
and making sad faces. I got him to sleep though;
he seemed much better by evening!

Still not his usual happy self, however
he was much better than earlier!!

Finally doing better!!

Shall return to Christmas tomorrow - my only nephew trumps decorations : )

Catching up

Hello blog world ::HUGS:: Playing catch up with about eight months since I went *poof* from here...

First, my apologies.  I do not have any reasons that are "good enough" for not posting.  I have, however, been following as many of your blogs as often as I could have. Also there have been several major health issues in my immediate family but shall stick to the top three: both of my grandparents, and my only sibling, my younger (well, 26 to my 30 years) sister.

My grandfather had a major heart attack, was in the hospital for a while, then moved to home hospice care (couple smaller heart attacks at home) -- and now is recovering very well!! So thankful, and hospice care has been stopped because he has improved so much!  Able to go ahead and re-schedule his skin cancer removal surgery (on his cheek, under his eye) -- he now only has a tiny bandage instead of half his face covered in gauze!



While my grandfather was ill, my grandmother somehow hurt her back but did not want to "take attention away from my husband" -- well intentioned of her yet she now has a compressed vertebrae which will take at least three months to recover from.  Luckily my relatives have been able to purchase a zero-gravity chair for her which she is able to sleep in.  Apparently she had not slept in her bed for a while and simply declined to tell anyone until asked point blank.  (Really though, how am I to guess the exact questions?  Multiple family members play this "game" and I dislike having to guess to get answers!)  She too is healing which is lovely!

My younger sister found out that she was expecting, and I know she does not understand how blessed she was (and is!!!) with her pregnancy and new son. I prayed and have bent over backwards getting her doctors appointments (luckily with our parents help) and... just so thankful and grateful she only had one tiny bump in the road during the unexpected pregnancy.

(C going on nine months)

(Baby K at only ten minutes old!)

She and the boyfriend (fiance now) were both using substances they should not have - which only increased my anxiety - but both of them (and his family) seemed to only be familiar with the "pregnant equals healthy baby" story and I could not bear to share the stories I know nor connect her with people who have been/are going through so many struggles to get something so very very precious.  Between my own worries and my concern for others online I have waited until now to be able to say that she has a healthy baby boy who was just baptized last weekend!



Lots to talk about, however there are days to come...Love the holiday season so with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years all coming up hopefully I will post more (my godson and his family visiting, baby K getting baptized, etc, etc) Happy Fall everyone!!