Candlelight Christmas (book)

Candlelight Christmas by Susan Wiggs

Christmas 2013 has come and gone - and I have forgotten to share a new holiday book I found!  "Candlelight Christmas" (by Susan Wiggs) is a book I found perhaps around Thanksgiving (of this past year). It is a "fluff" book, but I found it/find it a light, cozy, Christmas read. Basic plot is focused on a divorced dad who usually gets to see his only son every summer and (focus of this book) at Christmas.  The dad's family and his work have a place in this novel, as does just a touch of summer camp, a dash of Thanksgiving -- and the focus, CHRISTMAS!

I tagged "Tie Blanket" in the various labels for this post because I do not think I have ever shared this particular blanket here (before now).  I was taught a while back how to make tie blankets, and at first I was not really thrilled with this particular pattern of circles -- over a year later it has become one of my absolute favorite blankets!  I find myself throwing it over my shoulders instead of a sweater, or throwing it on my lap while watching tv, or curling up under it while reading into the wee small hours of the morning : )  I have actually used this pattern twice now, once paired with a solid darker green background (which is the one I still own) and the other with a darker grey (which became a gift a while back).

Considering making baby tie blankets and selling them (instead of giving baby-sized or tv-sized blankets) as gifts.  Most family and friends (and more!) have tie blankets made by either myself or another family member, and while everyone loves them (seriously, no complaints in nearly a decade -- and I see them used often in others houses, they are not closed away) -- it is an idea.  Not really sure if (or even how!) I would be able to make a large enough selection, where to find people to buy them, etc etc... yet perhaps it is something I shall try this new year. Love to all!

P.S. Downton Abbey Season Four premiers in the US TONIGHT from 9pm to 11pm!! Thank you PBS and everyone who supports public broadcasting stations -- therefore making lovely period shows like Downton Abbey possible

Optimist (def.)

"OPTIMIST: Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward
is not a disaster, it's more like a Cha-Cha"

"OPTIMIST: Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it's more like a Cha-Cha" 

(Please send some prayers/positive vibes if you have any to spare ~ Thank You ... no colposcopy results still as well as nothing from my sister and nephew)

Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve

Yesterday I was happy, excited, and had what I thought were realistic expectations. Today, a couple (or more) episodes of Downton Abbey with my mom and aunt.  My mom and I were both sorry that my aunt changed her mind about coming by but we understand she is busy.

The Disappointing/Hurtful Christmas Eve comes from -- wait for it -- my sister.  She got into a large and hurtful argument with my mom (who was simply reminding her of our offer to pick up my sister, her son, and the baby's father)... My sister said many unkind things and ended up declaring that no ride was needed -- none of them were coming for Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, nor anytime in the near future.  We are apparently (IN HER MIND) not "worth" visiting since she decided (ON HER OWN) to only spend Thanksgiving with our side of the family (and not the baby's father's side of the family -- although she is living with them).

So the last time my sister and nephew came (aside from a few hours after a doctor visit the Monday after Thanksgiving) was on Thanksgiving Day.  They both stayed a few days then went back to the father's parents apartment.  Have not seen (in person nor in photos) either of them for nearly an entire month now. 

Plus, "to add insult to injury" as one might say, my sister also decided that instead of "allowing" us to drive her to work this Friday -- she had agreed we could watch the baby overnight for the first time ever (after saying she was "just joking" before when she sent a text saying none of us could watch the baby overnight ever because he had to stay where he could be taken care of -- !?!?!?!?!?!).... Anyway, my sister stated that since the baby's father's entire family could not join our immediate family brunch on Christmas Day that none of us are able to see nor the baby this holiday season.  The baby's father is supposed to re-enter rehab yet again on Dec. 30th so we shall see how long she will remain in the apartment with the baby, the baby's father's mother, and her two dogs.

In case you think I am blowing things out of proportion, being so hurt and upset about the new family of three not coming over for an hour or two on the baby's first Christmas -- they had planned (and will be going) to a Christmas Day afternoon/evening/overnight with the baby's father's side of the family (held at one of his cousins house).  We are blessed that God sent the most adorable little nephew/grandson -- yet I am so stuck on the fact that we are blocked from seeing him -- we love him and are absolutely more than capable of watching him!  My sister has a room here and the baby has his own space/clothing/books/etc which we provide for them...

Calling it a night. Going to help finish wrapping up some gifts and then try to get sleep.

Merry Christmas Eve -- may yours be MUCH better than mine! ::HUGS::

Colposcopy and missing my nephew

 

So tomorrow I have to get a colposcopy done (for those who have not had one it is along the lines of a regular PAP except a bit more invasive -- more physical samples, etc).  Have been trying to avoid thinking about it and... well, it's tomorrow so I did well for a while.

Still missing my nephew, Baby K.  Photo above is from his second time visiting (Oct 22nd??) Realized that aside from the few hours he was here on Dec. 2nd, diagnosed with a mild case of thrush and also trying to fight off the effects of his first round of shots... Thanksgiving Day was the last time I saw him or my sister.  Would be so nice to have a busy baby to distract me from facts like I cannot support myself, huge chance I cannot get pregnant ever (at least not in the next decade, which puts me close to 41 years -- because of my medical stuff and medications for it), also since I can't take care of myself that puts adoption and surrogacy very far out of reach... So when I say that I am never going to have a child of my own, it hurts.  Mainly because I never wanted to be anything other than a mother.  Seriously, when I was around four years old I decided I wanted to be a mom and since turning seven years old I would help with family and friends babies, moved "up" to mother's helper (parent was home but I was in charge of the child) then "up" again to full-time babysitter.  Also worked for Recreation and Parks for City of Los Angeles for over a decade -- although my favorite age group is 0 to four years.

Yep.  Absolutely rambling this past week.  Does help to share... I will post about my cousin R getting married (lots of photos!) and Baby K. getting baptized (a few photos).  Tomorrow I don't know, maybe just a photo of flowers and asking selfishly for some positive thoughts/prayers?  Also since I am reaching, an excellent colposcopy (meaning they do NOT find what they are re-looking for, it magically disappeared?) and that my sister WANTS to happily visit and Baby K comes along and wants to see his Tia.

Advent Week Three

Advent Week Three - December 2013

Just like that, another week flashes by.  We are now in the third week of Advent! Perhaps if I loved every month like I do December, (with holiday spirit, decorations, Christmas), every year would fly by...

I am very thankful for my family and friends...

Currently feeling a little too tired

Love, prayers, faith and hope

Patience is a virtue

Patience is a virtue that I am lacking today, particularly with two members of my family.  Calming thoughts and prayers please?  Just difficult after a day when I am so tired/worn out.  Thanks!

Scrabble Tiles - PATIENCE

P.S. Sorry, still no kitchen renovation post. Manana?

Catching up

Hello blog world ::HUGS:: Playing catch up with about eight months since I went *poof* from here...

First, my apologies.  I do not have any reasons that are "good enough" for not posting.  I have, however, been following as many of your blogs as often as I could have. Also there have been several major health issues in my immediate family but shall stick to the top three: both of my grandparents, and my only sibling, my younger (well, 26 to my 30 years) sister.

My grandfather had a major heart attack, was in the hospital for a while, then moved to home hospice care (couple smaller heart attacks at home) -- and now is recovering very well!! So thankful, and hospice care has been stopped because he has improved so much!  Able to go ahead and re-schedule his skin cancer removal surgery (on his cheek, under his eye) -- he now only has a tiny bandage instead of half his face covered in gauze!



While my grandfather was ill, my grandmother somehow hurt her back but did not want to "take attention away from my husband" -- well intentioned of her yet she now has a compressed vertebrae which will take at least three months to recover from.  Luckily my relatives have been able to purchase a zero-gravity chair for her which she is able to sleep in.  Apparently she had not slept in her bed for a while and simply declined to tell anyone until asked point blank.  (Really though, how am I to guess the exact questions?  Multiple family members play this "game" and I dislike having to guess to get answers!)  She too is healing which is lovely!

My younger sister found out that she was expecting, and I know she does not understand how blessed she was (and is!!!) with her pregnancy and new son. I prayed and have bent over backwards getting her doctors appointments (luckily with our parents help) and... just so thankful and grateful she only had one tiny bump in the road during the unexpected pregnancy.

(C going on nine months)

(Baby K at only ten minutes old!)

She and the boyfriend (fiance now) were both using substances they should not have - which only increased my anxiety - but both of them (and his family) seemed to only be familiar with the "pregnant equals healthy baby" story and I could not bear to share the stories I know nor connect her with people who have been/are going through so many struggles to get something so very very precious.  Between my own worries and my concern for others online I have waited until now to be able to say that she has a healthy baby boy who was just baptized last weekend!



Lots to talk about, however there are days to come...Love the holiday season so with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years all coming up hopefully I will post more (my godson and his family visiting, baby K getting baptized, etc, etc) Happy Fall everyone!!

Health Rant (?)

I think that I have always been more of an introvert... I usually am quite stable... Also when caring for young children and/or am in a very comfortable situation (or I know I "need" to be a hostess) I can become more extroverted.  This image came from a friends F.B. page and I decided to post it against my better judgement.

Well, not exactly.  I decided to post it because since July I have been going around in circles and yesterday (Friday) I realized that I had hit pretty much every single item suggested on the entire image (plus more if that is possible?)... I try to post something here daily because it is something that keeps me connected.  I am getting help but some days it seems like my health sets me up against the world to fail at absolutely everything. Yesterday was a perfect example of crazy - I slept for about 16 hours, only getting up maybe three times and stayed awake perhaps half an hour each time.  Then around 8pm I knew I had to go for a walk because I had not walked since Sunday and I did great, just over a mile again.  Once I got back however I felt like I was going to collapse, even after eating and extra water. I rested yet again then double checked my doctors appointments for the coming week (two), finished the last three chapters of my book, and am trying to watch television so I can be up for maybe three hours (yet I am already feeling tired).  So frustrated on one hand, but on the other... I walked today so that is good right?

Stressed, tired, frustrated -- and very bothered that I cannot (that I do not want?) to pretend that things are okay.  At least not today. Putting on a happy face does not make things better and yet I dislike posting continuously negative types of things.  Shall try to turn things around at least a bit this weekend... Temperatures are finally continuing to go down which is a much needed relief! Thank you for any extra positive thoughts that can be sent my way, I am just...stuck.

It's Ok Thursdays (September 13th)

Third of my "It's Ok Thursdays" posts...

It's Ok... To not be okay. (Six dr appts in six weeks -- with two more the last week of this month -- and three funerals of family friends).

Do not get upset

          "Do not get upset with people or situations. Both are powerless without your reaction."

No clue who said this, simply found it online and despite my recent efforts to do "better" -- yesterday was yet another day when I just had this horrible attitude about almost everything.  I did almost nothing, but the few interactions I had (even just taking the dog out)... I do not want to say that everything "made" me upset... Yet I felt upset.  Continuously.  I was perfectly aware, in the back of my mind, that it was stupid and utterly pointless.  And I still had the urge to scream or throw something or just curl up and cry.

Nothing had happened that was out of the ordinary, there was nothing that should have caused such powerful reactions -- and yet there they were again.  I continue to just feel -- frustrated?  helpless? tired? ...I continue to feel at a loss and no, despite trying, I cannot currently change that I can react to pretty much anything (whether good, bad, or in-between) with some type of an over-reaction that is not needed.  Nor does it help anyone, including myself. Especially not myself.  Even little achievements wear me out and make me feel useless and just...

I am sorry.  I feel...guilty? Also frustrated.

And still, I feel OH. SO. TIRED.

...Maybe tomorrow will be different?

...Maybe...