Multiple days of very hot weather have made me cranky, so this will be a very short post because I am going to go into the one air-conditioned space and just RELAX -- or at least try to! Perhaps late tonight I shall write a "real" blog post but I do not think that will happen today. Tomorrow is a new day :) P.S. Yes, living in Southern California I did feel the 4.4 earthquake last night, however none since (aftershocks etc)
I am frustrated, stressed, tired, etc recently. I posted an image above that says "I can't promise you a perfect relationship, but what I can promise you is that if you're trying, I'm staying." ... I see relationships as everything from good acquaintances to friends to romantic connections and it is just very frustrating/stressful to me that I keep trying and I reach out and am ignored, rejected, or unintentionally hurt and I feel left alone. Returning to this blog was a way I decided to force myself to try and communicate better, even if no one reads it. I will keep trying and perhaps someone around me will hear me and respond. (I am full of negativity in several of these recent posts, I need to work on posting some positive things, like the great sunset photos I've taken or me reading to my godson)... Think I'll go start a new book, or perhaps see what the Olympics are up to tonight...
I usually use the "Keep Calm And Carry On" sign that I have leaning against the corner of my kitchen wall (yes, I am too lazy to find a proper way to actually hang it on the wall) but I came across this twist and felt it was a great image to save and use :)
Disneyland always is a wonderful place for me to be able to visit. Although I do live in Southern California, I have only once owned an Annual Pass (AP) and I do not visit anywhere near often enough. Each time however, I make sure that I reach inside and find my inner child -- whether it is a visit on a warm (usually hot!) summer day or it is specially decorated for a holiday (Christmas is my favorite, Halloween second favorite).
Along with my love of spending time with little kids, I particularly enjoy spending time with children at Disneyland. Despite the inevitable exhaustion at the end of the day/trip, they make everything even more magical. I really want to be with my godchildren the first time they visit Disneyland, I believe it will be a very special experience. There is a single framed photo of the first time my younger sister went to Disneyland (the photo just has "the girls" -- I assume my Dad took the photo -- and it includes several generations which makes it all the more special!)
Wishing everyone equal parts magic, hope, happiness, and fairy dust!
Earlier I wrote what was, even by my standards, quite a rambling post. It was also very long -- VERY long. Therefore I have deleted it and am going to remind you of a few things I really love: my parents, family, reading, spending time in nature, playing with (teaching) little kids, music... Every day is different and one of my favorite times of the year is the end of December because I celebrate Christmas. I know "Christmas in June" can be common for some -- this post is now my own bit of "Christmas in August" (well, via a You Tube video!)
Enjoy the talented Judy Garland singing "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" (Sorry, I could not get the video to post, but the link takes you straight to the video -- also the photo is just a random one from google)
It takes time, trials, and trying again -- but I have been able to keep hitting happy moments/days/weeks. I have not quite yet been able to find a "forever" type of continuous happiness but most of the time I have been doing alright. As I mentioned awhile back, I love country music. One of the many groups I listen to is Rascal Flatts and the lyrics to their song "Stand" helps me on those not-so-great days :) Am so thankful for the people I have been able to visit with (and for those who live farther away for calling and chatting or sending emails). And I wasn't quite honest when coming back to this blog -- my health is being insanely frustrating and I have started to schedule various appointments. It really helps me to create things/do things for others and to be able to spend time with young children (especially my godson and his twin sister!) So blessed to have my parents and other family/friends who love and support me unconditionally.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lyrics to "Stand" by Rascal Flatts (shall try to post the video too)
You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless
Like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright
[Chorus:]
Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand
Life's like a novel
With the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon
With only one way down
Take what you're given before its gone
Start holding on, keep holding on
[Repeat Chorus]
Everytime you get up
And get back in the race
One more small piece of you
Starts to fall into place
Oh
Sometimes I do not know how much time has passed. My memory is no longer as reliable as it used to be. Then time plays tricks on me, perhaps just to make things more...Interesting? A day can feel like a decade or a mere handful of seconds. My days recently (and by recently I think I mean for the past few months) -- they have mostly been me existing. I do have times when I am happy and enjoy certain events/people and have good memories, but often it is just me putting one foot in front of the other. I have learned that this is okay -- no, this is better than okay, because I am not giving up. I keep fighting through the bad days and try to smile when sick.
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes, courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow."
Every day that I find something good, do something for another person, continue moving (instead of sliding backwards) -- especially the days when I am sick and get through it so I can see the next day -- the wonderful perfect times and the one foot in front of the other times -- it all takes different levels/different types of courage.
So many ups and downs in the past few years -- I wanted to share a quote I have had before I turned my brain off for the night. Sending support, goodwill, prayers, etc to all ::HUGS::
"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to other things, It comes and sits softly on your shoulder." ~Henry David Thoreau
